I could make this next part short 'professional' rigid, hold back, keep you guessing or I could be me and be real, then you can decide if I'm the kind of person you would like to spend more time with. This approach to love and relationships helps you set yourself up for the Right Love so you no longer waste time and emotional investment in dead-end and minimising relationships. Over the last 8 years I’ve been successfully coaching women struggling in love and relationships.
I’ve been helping them in 3 ways
I know what it’s like to start your dating journey leaning into your survival based loving patterns. In my case it was the desperate need to be chosen having grown up in a polygamous family, my mother being the second wife, having a step dad who was barely there because he had to be with his first family and not having a relationship with my biological father. I know what it feels like to witness physical, emotional and financial abuse seeing these dynamics play out while watching your mother holding on to the marital status compliant and submissive yet unhappy and believing that that’s just how relationships are. Praying and staying barely surviving and normalising it.
I know what it's like when your father comes back into your life not because he wanted to but because his new wife encouraged him to stop talking about me and make an effort to be with me. I know what it’s like when you discover that that man you idolised in his absence is misogynistic, philandering, physically abusive to your step mum and financially abusive with you. Despite the fact that he has the means you have to beg and ask for things like school fees multiple times.
I know what it’s like to witness my step mum saying enough, helping her pack the house and walking away to thrive without him. I know what it’s like to experience that incredulous moment when you discover that your father is dating someone your age when you are 20. So what do you think happened when I started to date? Yep, I leaned into some of those survival traits of relating like knowingly dating someone who was in a relationship. Insert [Quelle Suprise, Non!] meme.
Then there was the church girl and dating the drummer phase (insert I remember when, I remember when I lost my mind) laughs in churchy delusion. That lasted 4 years. My story could have been a permanent dumpster fire but along my journey I put that fire out , broke the harmful patterns, acquainted myself with the authentic me, my needs and desires, respected my decided to be assertive about my needs fell in love with me, stopped caring about being chosen or being a good wife and BOOM I met my husband when I wasn’t even looking for one.
That was 21 years ago and not only do we love each other but we love our relationship too. Not many people can say that. So when I’m not making you tick tok content, courses, workshops and masterclasses I’m either enjoying my me time or I’m with hubby and our 10 year daughter.
I share this to say Baby Girl, Sis, Mama, I got you.
I know what it’s like to navigate love in survival mode, interrupt the pattern, then find a soft landing space within yourself first, then that person who feels like home.
If you let me I would love to guide you on this journey.
Sending you the most loving hug
- Boity G - in Capetown
- Lisa P - in Atlanta
- Denise W - in Sydney
- Nakai H - in Amsterdam