Knowingly or unknowingly we all navigate our family dynamics with spoken and unspoken agreements about our place and roles in the family.
Some agreements both spoken and unspoken are based on hierarchy out of honour or respect. Others are founded in guilt, some in giving and taking. Other agreements still spoken or unspoken are created out of modelling and observation. Others, from a sense of atonement, out of service or obligation.
These agreements come in many forms and both healthy and unhealthy dynamics create bonds. This is where you pay attention.
In unhealthy dynamics, the bonds automatically place you in an energy that demands to recycle toxicity and harm. Out of honour, respect, guilt, service, obligation, modelling, or a sense of atonement you silently or verbally agree because you don’t want to lose your ”place’’ in the family so you comply and stay bound.
You know it’s not right, it’s not healthy but you comply. It hurts and it’s hurting those around you but you comply. You say “that’s what’s expected of me”. You say “that’s what we do”. You say “that’s just how our family is”, then, you also say, “I think it’s a curse”.
It’s been happening generation after generation so you accept it as a family heirloom but…
When you look closer do you see how this is just how things are because with each generation no one challenged the harm? No one confronted the toxicity each person silently took their position and complied.
Now it’s your turn. You see the harm, you feel the baggage, and you see the toxicity. Do you pass on these spoken and unspoken agreements to the next generation or are you going to be defiant and interrupt the pattern?
Will there be resistance from family members? Yes absolutely.
Will it be easy? Not, but such is the journey and commitment of breaking free from generational agreements.
Compliance = maintaining business as usual in hurt and harm.
Defiance = this ends with me and taking your freedom by force if necessary.
A compliant spirit never changed anything. Interrupting the pattern and breaking generational trauma is for the defiant spirit.
What came up for you as you were reading this?
Where do you need to evoke the defiant spirit?