In your daily interactions with friends, relatives and partners, when something painful happens do you:
A – Allow yourself to feel the pain and learn something from it so you can come out of it more knowledgeable and better equipped to prevent a recurrence. Or help yourself handle difficult or challenging circumstances with more grace.
B – Do you choose to feel the pain as a means to ground yourself in the hurt?
When we opt for B,
- we begin to use the pain as a crutch for sympathy.
- we use the pain as a justification for malice.
- we opt to use the pain as an excuse for why we’re not where we want to be.
- we hold onto our painful story so tightly that it becomes part of our identity.
- we use our pain for attention and sympathy and we become manipulative.
This might work for you for a while and if you are surrounded by people who aren’t emotionally intelligent you could play this one for your whole existence and you’ll get your way…
until you don’t and you try this on emotionally smart people, or those in your circle eventually get tired of your BS.
This is when resentment sets in. The smart ones will resent you for playing victim and pull away and you’ll resent them for seeing through your act.
But you’ll dig your heels deeper into playing the victim with new people. When we do this, we only wound ourselves deeper and push away the people who could love us and be there for us.
Hopelessness and helplessness is normal but when this becomes our norm we abdicate our internal power and keep ourselves stuck.
Here’s a list of 5 Things Unhappy People Do Well To Keep Themselves Stuck.
- They love feeling sorry for themselves. They refuse to see the learning opportunity in the situation.
- They consistently compare their life to other people. But they are never willing to make the choices, decisions and do the work required to get that life.
- They complain and gossip endlessly. If it was an Olympic sport they would be on the top step showing off their medal.
- They make excuses for everything. They always have a reason for why they are not where they could be.
- They are master manipulators. They won’t change anything about themselves because being like this serves them. They make other people do things for them by showing them how helpless they are
They do all of this and wonder why they are unhappy.
Is this you?
So my friend, for today I’m asking you to reflect on how you show up.
Are you practicing hopelessness and helplessness making yourself unhappy and playing the victim or will you learn from your pain and practice discernment and assertiveness to give yourself the confidence you need, to create the boundaries that will help you create your joy and show up on purpose?